R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
