Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
