And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
