After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
