There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
