I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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