...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
