Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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