1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
