Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
