Three words: puerto rican gang bang
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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