Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Please don't give away my fajitas
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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