why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Panties = found
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