Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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