Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
