If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
