Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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