Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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