There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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