I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
