Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
