Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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