I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my shit smells like andre
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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