He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
