I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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