guys are only as good as the porn they watch
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
