Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
