If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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