So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
