I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
