goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
