I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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