im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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