i can't believe i had my finger in that
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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