1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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