What did we do last night that was yellow?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Randomize
