i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
