his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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