Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
