You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
