he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
