wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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