I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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