Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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