Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
