this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
