You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
