Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
