This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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