We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
