You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
